You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's blow job season.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
