well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
4 words: hood of his car
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
