Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
