Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
