I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
