I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
