I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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