Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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