i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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