Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
