My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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