In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
