i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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