i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
