Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
