I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
