i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
