I think scott just propositioned me for sex
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
