I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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