Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize
