I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
this boner is exhausting
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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