dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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