Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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