Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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