I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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