worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
