I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
