He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
