So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
