i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
