So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
