He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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