woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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