made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
