She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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