Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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