I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
