32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
