i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
