you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
