do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I love having hate sex.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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