I didn't shave. On purpose
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
