is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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