I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
