I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
