Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
