I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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