I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
