My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
