Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
