Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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