that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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