When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
